Friday, September 28, 2012

Chapter 2

So I find myself on this blog tonight and rereading what I've said in the past. Back in June I wrote a not all the way sober post about losing my mojo and feeling old at 28. Well I have now reached that magical number 29 and find myself in a new place. So this post is to myself to remind me of what is happening so I will not lose my way again.

So there comes a time when you realize that what you thought was your story, your happily ever after is just a chapter in the saga and the not the final act. Sometimes when you think your life has stalled and your passion has collapsed, there is actually something really wrong that you're not seeing. My love story has ended and I am moving. Not just moving on, moving out. What I thought was what was going to be the rest of my life and the path I was going to take has ended. There is no more plans to make or promises to keep. And now I feel like myself again. It is hard to take a good long look at yourself and see that sometimes what you think you are doing right and what you think is the way things are suppose to be are not how they should be at all. So I am sad to let go of the person I was going to be, I realize that was and  is not me. You can't pound square pegs in round holes regardless of how much you think they should fit. You have to see that We can shield Me for a very long time, but Me is how you are going to be.

So I am thrilled to begin my next chapter and fill it with the words of my books old and new. I am thrilled to see if the next chapter is what I've been looking for but I know the story is mine. The ending is mine to make.  The most important thing is that the truth I am always talking about, the things I think are real and gospel need to stay that way.

So I could use someone else's words to tell what I'm feeling, I have bookcases full of books which characters and authors who talk about starting over. Who have come to this new point and stare out on an unknown future but come with a sense that this is the road she is suppose to take. But this is my voice tonight because this is my story so tonight I am a fan of that. My own story with with own words and wherever this road may take me.