So here I am. My last post had one view (thanks Mom). So since no one is even looking why am I constantly scrutinizing what I write here. Yes, I love my Henshaw Redux letters but I don't have one tonight. Tonight it's just me and I had a rotten day so here it is. This is mine and tonight I'm hijacking it from the readers.
I don't know what age I realized it, but eventually I realized that people performed for a living. People got to sing and dance and act and that was what they did for a living. I was probably 12 and immediately got my Mom to let me go to EL rec department acting camp. And I loved it. I was the oldest kid there and immediately ALPHA femaled the whole thing. We wrote, acted, costumed, created the whole thing. The play was called "What's Missing in Valerie's Gallery?" and I was Valerie, of course. We ripped the whole thing off of Clue, but I was hooked. I loved every moment. I loved rehearsal and more than anything I loved being on stage. I kept going, there was no drama in Middle School. So in High School I went out for every play offered and got nice quiet background roles for the most part. I got to play King Alonzo in Tempest and that was the pinnacle of that. In college, I decided that I was not going to be a theater major and just dumped myself in education. Don't get me wrong, I love education. I love teaching, but I see something silly, like concert footage with backstage peeks. I see a play. I see some kind of performing and a part of me aches. I want that. I want that so badly. I want to sing, I want to act, I want to be up there, doing it, for real. Doing Godspell this past winter was the closest I've ever come to that real moment. Singing my solo was the most unbelieveable experience I've ever had. It's over now and I'm forever grateful for the opportunity. And I want it again so badly. I cannot wait to be up there again.
I wish I could be brave. I have a friend who has thrown away the life I lead now to try and follow her passion. Some find it laughable and shake their head in discuss. She'll never amount to anything, they say. But she is doing it and I know she is happy. She is dramatic and kinda insane but right now I look at her and think, wow... someone is actually doing that. I wish I could, I wish I had faith, I wish I could be doing that.
Now the sensible part of me says, you have to be responsible and keep the job and just do the theater and singing on the side and that I will do. But watching and seeing it elsewhere a part of me says, what if?