Dear Laurie Notaro,

Dear Laurie Notaro,
 First let me say, thank god for Idiot Girls. I consider myself a proud member and co-founder of the adjacent club, "I Make Crazy Look Good" with my bff Alison. Thank god for someone else who sees the world like I see it, who lives the way I live it and who thinks the way I do too.Thank God for both of you.
 I am an Idiot Girl. I am kinda messy inside and out. I trip a lot. I make a fool of myself more times than I don't. I have fallen off decks, off the edge of stairwells and off a set on a stage, sober. I miss my co-founder dearly. Together we have visited goats in the night, saved each other from awful dates and sang Karaoke with a guy who hears voices. I may or may not talk her into some crazy ideas from time to time as well. But idiot girls are amazing. We may drink too much, think too much and get ourselves into situations Smart Girls don't get themselves into, but Smart Girls don't have the kind of memories Idiot Girls have.
  I have grown into the series of books as well. I was single when I read The Idiots Girls' Action Adventure Club. And I was the one with the list of dumb ex boyfriends, the crazy late night adventures and hanging out at same shady bars (especially the Free til You Pee night in Merritt Island, just ask my friend Aimee).  Now I'm older and living the married life without being married. But like you, cooking was the key to the man's heart. I too remembered chicken cutlet's to a man whose mother was a health nut will bond this man to you. Baked goods help too. And I couldn't believe that I had found a guy who called when he did and kept showing up, who did sweet things and who didn't have a slew of awful friends. You like what I like and like staying home too? He isn't perfect, but I am very happy with my potential suitor.  Although I'm not planning a wedding anytime soon but I understand Autobiography of a Fat Bride. I will most likely be a fat bride although I do have a mother who does not believe in a traditional wedding so with any luck I'll be married on a beach on an island somewhere and there will be not meatball pyramid because I don't like them. It's nice to know when the time comes, there will be an idiot guide to get me through it.
  Please don't think less of me, but I haven't got through There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell or purchased Spooky Girls. I just found out about Flaming Tantrum of Death and It Looked Different on the Model and can't wait to get both of them. I love all the work, but I just keep going back to Idiot Girls. I laugh out loud at the same parts every time, even when I know there coming. When telling about Idiot Game Jamie, and I know on the bottom of the next page is when her Dutch boyfriend has to carry her over his shoulder out of the family gathering and she pees on him and I start giggling. When alone, no big deal but many of times I've done this in public and many of times I've gotten the let's-get-away-from-the-crazy-lady look. Truthfully, I really don't mind it because I'd rather have people farther than closer, but I'm getting away from the topic.
    I love these books. I love that the crazy brunette is not the side kick she is the star. I may not have the funny Sex and the City story life. I don't go to classy clubs for 14 dollar drinks. My heels don't cost as much as my rent, they're from Payless and in the rare occasion Macy's (only 1 pair, I think). I don't go to art museums or blues clubs, I walk around downtown Disney and Citywalk but don't usually go in anything. I've been to Emeril's once but Moe's plenty of times.  And I am not ashamed. I am proud to be an Idiot Girl and greatful for you to sharing this with me.

Sincerely,
KT

The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life

Dear Tim Gunn,

Dear Tim Gunn,
   I love you. Like a tween at a Bieber concert, I think you are fabulous. When I first started watching Project Runway, I loved how you worked with, what I feel, were your students. You could have been like Simon from Idol and made these people cry. You could have been snarky and told them how you would do it and how they were wrong. But you didn't. You told them to make it work. You took the high road when Santino mocked you. You always took the role of the gentleman and even when bitchy Kenley ignored you and gave you such attitude I wanted to smack that red lipstick off her stuck up face, you never yelled at her, you never gave her attitude back. And you know what? She looked like a pestilent child and you looked like the smart respectable gentleman. So when I saw you promoting a book on Life Rules, I knew that I had to read it. I don't want to be a Kenley. I want to make it work.
    The book is very interesting. It's part memoir, part life lesson, but all conversation. It feels like a letter sent out to friends. It's very candid and open, but does jump around. Sometimes I forgot the main idea of the chapter but it always came back around. I was so glad it wasn't Dr. Laura preachy. The last thing I needed was someone telling me all the things I'm doing wrong and all the things I should be doing. These are just some basic rules of being nice and a good person. Nothing will rock your world and nothing will take a giant leap of faith to make a position change in your life.
   We need to talk about manners because as a teacher, I can tell you, our future has no manners. The students now a days are awful. There is no respect, there is no kindness, no class. They don't say please or thank you. They don't put someone else's needs before themselves or even think of others at all. They do thinks that physically hurt each other and they don't care. They have no respect or fear for their teachers, principals or dean. They speak in rude, mean tones. Now let me say this, I have at least 5 sweet, kind students who are taught manners. But that is 5 out of 20. I have one who is completely respectful and has fantastic manners. He has a terrible home situation which makes me wonder if manners are genetic.
      So I am trying to take the Tim Gunn way in my classroom. I try and say "Make It Work" when they don't know what to do. They look at me strangely and grumble about getting help, but ultimately they figure it out. I try to teach Karma in a way that they understand. I tell them, when you do good things, good things happen to you. So when they are quietly working when a teacher is talking to me or line up without me asking I take them to extra recess. When one of them does something nice, I give them tickets for no reason. I hope it leaves an impact.
   There was only one part of this book that rocked my world. It's not what you think. I'm not a fashionista by any means. I'm no future contestant on Project Runway. I don't take risks or follow Vogue. But there is one thing I do know, you never wear black and brown together. So in the chapters about fashion, the fact that Tim Gunn, who I see as the fashion expert, who to me is the epitome of style writes that it's okay to wear black and brown, I don't know what to do. Since I read that chapter, I see THEM mixed (black and brown clothes and accessories) every where. I saw a girl in a beautiful long black sweater, skinny jeans and long brown boots. She looked awesome. I think, that looks great. I look in my closet. I see a cute brown top with nice black pants. Can't do it. I can't do it. I may have worn the side pony tail and jelly shoes, but I knew that black pants had any color but brown and brown pants had any color but black. I can't do it. The only way I'll wear brown and black if it Tim Gunn picks out the outfit himself. And that's a promise.
    Overall, this is a sweet, charming book like I picture Gunn himself is. A conversation that sometimes veers away but always makes you smile. Thank you for this kind and enjoyable moment.

 Sincerely,
KT

Gunn's Golden Rules: Life's Little Lessons for Making It Work

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

Dear Stephenie Meyer,
        I may not be a twihard. I may not be a twimom or a twilady (?) or a member of Team Edward or Team Jacob. I am none of these things, but I do thank you for your books. I thank you for getting tweens and teens to read. Thank you for reminding people that a good book and a good story is what reading is actually about.
      When I found out I was going to be teaching middle school, I figured I should start reading the series. I knew that the middle school students LOVED these books and if I wanted to understand them, I should start taking an interest in what they liked. I was pleasantly surprised. I knew the basic story but expected middle school sap that no one in their right mind could stomach. It was a great story with very good story telling techniques. For me, the best part was being pulled back to that time in my life. I remember being in high school. I remember the first love and those feelings. When you would see them, what it was like to know they felt that way too. It was nice to remember a more innocent time. True, it does have a little clingyness, a little you and me only vibe, a little I am your life and no one else matters, but I understand the why. I understand the idea of having the world revolve around one person, but like a good old person in the story, I think they are a little young to feel that way. It makes me understand that I am not a high schooler.
      I read the rest of the books soon after. New Moon was done before I taught middle school and Eclipse and Breaking Dawn in the middle of the school year. I couldn't put Breaking Dawn down. A Christmas present, I was done before New Years and can reread it all the time. It is one of my favorite books lately. And I was right when it came to my students. One student alone read Breaking Dawn 7 times in a row. They were obsessed. Prime for love and relationships, these poor girls have no options with these middle school boys. Middle school boys don't have a clue. So they turned inward to these stories. As they wrote my creative writing stories, their inner desire to be Bella permeated every line. Some were basic rip offs with vampires and werewolves. Some loved and used the idea of being the new girl in school that the ungettable boy fell in love with. And reading these made me sorta sad. What will happen to these impressible girls? Will they be forever waiting for their own Edward or Jacob? Will no one be good enough? Will they settle for some loser guy who breaks their hearts and forever destroys their innocence? Will reality ever be good enough for these girls?
   It's been nearly a year since I taught sixth grade and I see these same girls. They don't seem to be as single minded but I'm not as close to them as I once was. Maybe they are counting the days til Breaking Dawn and carrying the books every where they go. But I see them holding hands with boys, laughing and I guess Edward and Jacob are gone. But that's the best thing about books. There will be a new generation and they will read the books and they will fall in love too. I just hope it works out for everyone in the end.

Sincerely,
KT


Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4)

Dear Sarah Jane Gilman,

Dear Sarah Jane Gilman,
    I wish I could teach a class just with your book. Kiss My Tiara would be my textbook and my curriculum. I love this book and I love it's message.
   First, the story. I am a very emotional, dramatic person. I think in the past few years I have mellowed and overall I am happy. However at 20 and 21 I was not. I was angry and not happy with my choices in life. I was so dramatic and couldn't figure out why these relationships with High School and College boys weren't working out. (now I know it's just High School and College boys) A teenage and twenty something girl is so hormonal and obsessive it's hard to see the forest for the trees. My main education on love and romance was chick flicks.Say Anything, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, Saved, the list goes on and on.  So taking my cues from all the dumb movies where the girl changes everything and gives up everything and magically the guy comes along, I wasn't doing too well. And than I found this book. I would browse the love and relationships sections of my favorite Barnes and Nobel all the time. I never bought anything though. I never felt like it was the right book. I'm not sure if Kiss My Tiara was suppose to be in that section because to me, it's more life lesson than love lessons. It does it all. It helped me see the bigger picture, to relax and to me, it's the guide manual they do not give you.
    Let me show you. Chapter 9 is titled "Every Idiot We Date is One Less Idiot We Risk Marrying." Perfect. I never thought of it that way. I used to think every date, may be the one and I treated it like it could be the one. I tried and worried, I called and messed up. I got my hopes up and watched them go drain. Then I read the first line, Dating Sucks, it changed things. I love the advice. I love the idea that not everything is so serious, not everything needs to be so hard. I like the idea that we don't need to fuss and fight so much. That we can have a sense of humor, and enjoy ourselves in the process. There is so much common sense that we take for granted that needed to be spoken to me. Art Museums beat Vogue, Why are we doing all the work when we have the goods, Don't be Calm, women who eat are sexy, you can't ask for a raise if you can't order dessert, don't believe that all single women are miserable. There is so much that we already know, but we need to hear and hear it again.
   The subtitle of this book is How to Rule the World As a SmartMouth Goddess. I decided the first time reading this, that's exactly what I wanted to be: a SmartMouth Goddess. I want to speak my mind, I want to live life to the fullest and enjoy myself. And I wish that these middle school girls I see day in and day out could know this too. They are 13, 14, 15 and they are so consumed by these boys. They let them say awful things and they break themselves down for these little boys who in five years won't mean much and in ten years won't mean anything at all. If they could only see that if they enjoy themselves, if they don't take it all seriously and if they stop bringing girls down. Things would be so much better.
   Thank you for this book. Thank you for telling women that they are beautiful on the inside, that we really need to stop, take some stock and enjoy themselves. Life is too hard as it is. We shouldn't make it any harder.  Overall the last line says it all, and needs to be my moto  "...Follow our own path, stand tall and don't take any s*it."

Sincerely,
KT

Kiss My Tiara: How to Rule the World as a SmartMouth Goddess

Dear Chuck Klosterman,

Dear Chuck Klosterman,
    This is a hard letter to write. When I first read Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs and Killing Yourself to Live I knew I had found my favorite author. Lately, it's just not that same. So I choose to talk about those two books and not V and the other one I can't even name because I never finished it.
    Once again, the story. After leaving Umass Dartmouth, I missed the deadline to send in my transcript and didn't get into Westside State. I was devastated, beyond devastated. My options were skip a semester or go to a community college. I didn't like either option. Eventually, I choose HCC and the idea that although (I thought) I was better than everyone, I'd rather keep going than do nothing. So here I was at a community college and I was not liking it.SO I spent a LOT of time in Holyoke at and near the mall. Soon, I realized that HCC was not beneath me. I had challenging classes, with professors who cared, and people who amazed me. oh, I feel whiny and complainy cause I have a waitressing job and I go to school? Oh, you are a mother of three who takes the bus here between two jobs and you have a perfect GPA? I'll shut up now. Anyways, even as I grew to really enjoy and appreciate HCC, I still found myself at Barnes and Nobel all the time. So, browsing the new or recommended or something, I came across Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs. The title alone had my attention. I opened to the first page and read how you blamed your shatter love life on John Cusak. Perfect, I remember walking directly to a chair and reading the entire first chapter and kept whispering, "yes" Yes, I love Say Anything. Yes, I secretly think that John Cusak is exactly like Lloyd in that movie. Yes, romantic movies do ruin relationships. I ran out of the store, after paying of course and loved every chapter. Every single chapter I connected to, I understood and I couldn't believe someone else was thinking the same things I did. From Billy Joel, Country Music, Saved by the Bell, everything. And even better, I could pick up the book over and over, pick a chapter and go. I read that book over and over. I just enjoyed it every time. Once I finally got into Westfield, I would get the strangest looks in my ed. classes reading a book with that title. Didn't care. I loved it.
     I stumbled upon Killing Yourself to Live the same way. On the way out of another Barnes and Nobel, not planning on buying anything, there as close to the door as possible was the new book. I think I shrieked. My family was away on vacation which I wasn't planned into since I was suppose to be in Maine working at an all girls camp. Change of plans and I spent the two weeks playing house with the tattoo boyfriend and reading this book. I ignored just about everything I could and read this book. At first, I have to admit, I am I guess naive and the drug use, though slight, it did freak me out. But, I got past that. Like Cocoa Puffs, I was drawn in immediately, especially since it takes place basically by my house. Writing about driving past the Basketball Hall of Fame, I drove that same route everyday, twice a day. All these places I knew and I was hooked with the travel log. I loved the story upon story between the women who loved, the people who died and all the places in between. I can pick this story up anytime and enjoy it as well. I don't know why. It's a fantastic and I love it.  
    Lately, I don't feel the same. I will keep reading and keep trying and maybe someday I will. Maybe I will come to a point in my life that the stories speak to me. I still enjoy Cocoa Puffs and Killing Yourself and still consider you one of my favorite authors. This is not a hate letter but a fan letter. I am still a fan and hope to see and continue to see new work. But I miss the silliness and the connections. But people grow up, authors grow up and things change. I think that's what bothers me most. Of course an author is going to grow and change. I just didn't want you to.

Sincerely,

KT

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto